reading, writing and rithmatic

This is really written to Toby to read a later point where he will care about my sappy ravings about him. But feel free to enjoy as well.

Toby, you amaze me. Every day with you is a huge adventure and your sense of playfulness makes most of my bad days better and my good days become incredible. When I was pregnant with you I never really took the time to dream about the man you would become, or even to consider the boy that would get you there. And I'm glad because you have blown any expectations I would ever have come up with clear out of the water.

Today you are 3 years, 4 months and 2 days old. To make you happy, we'll round it up to 3 and a half. And on the way home from school today I had the joy of watching you learn about syllables and how to count out how many were in words. Then I was in awe as you remembered all of the words we counted through to repeat later.

When I take you to the store you are so desperate to know how to add that you make the numbers on the shelves into math equations. $5.99 turns into 5+9=9. Every once in a blue moon you get one right but I love how you keep trying, every single time.

And letters! I almost laughed myself into a fit when your teacher Mr. Tyheem was telling me how we needed to work on your grip so you could learn to write a little better... apparently they didn't realize you were doing all of that with your non-dominant hand! Stinker! Every day I watch you learn to spell a new word and bathtime used to just be for bathing but now it is a learning adventure with spelling all the words you know and then putting letters together to try to spell ones you aren't sure about. Very soon you will be reading on your own and spelling out words we don't want you to know won't be so effective.

I love that God blessed me with such a special child. I love that you don't have a clue that you are leaps and bounds ahead of the kids in your class but that you just love them for being who they are. In the years to come you are going to challenge me more than I have ever been challenged and force me to know more than I ever thought I would need to know. But for today when you are 3 years, 4 months and 2 days old; I can just rejoice in the fact that you are a little boy who loves his mommy and how your little face lights up when I come to the door of your class. I love you buddy!

the garbage police

Toby woke up on the majorly wrong side of the bed this morning. He has gotten old enough to understand that there are days that I have off work and that I take him to school anyways. Most days he doesn't mind. This was NOT one of them.

I spent the morning dealing with his emphatic refusal that he was going to school. While I was in the bathroom, he was walking around the house muttering like an old man that he didn't think it was fair that he had to go, that he wanted to go to Grammy's house all by himself and that he'd just stay in the house alone while I went to the store. I was in the bathroom laughing quietly to myself because he sounded so darn funny.

On one of his laps he had to go into the kitchen to throw something away. I heard the lid to the garbage can open and then I heard "WHAT is this? Is this popcorn? Did someone have popcorn?" I walked around the corner to see the little squirt holding the bag from my "midnight snack" (a tasty empty bag of Orville Redenblahblahbockers popcorn). He had it up out of the can and was looking at me with this look of shock and horror. How DARE I eat popcorn once he was in bed?

I didn't ever realize that a little child can make you feel so guilty. I didn't feel bad about taking him to school on my day off. But man, oh man, did I feel like I was the kid and my parent had just busted me for smoking a joint or sneaking a beer.

Next time I need to remember to put a dirty pullup or a cat turd in the garbage last!

I'm scary

I learned something about myself today.

Took my kid to an end of summer bash at his school. Kick ass good time with water slides and painting and soap mountains. My kid was having a blast once he realized the water slide wasn't out to hurt him.

Now, in every group of parents there are the ones like me - vultures who watch their child and his every move. Then there are the OTHER parents. The ones who go inside to eat dinner while their kid hurdles down a water slide with no adult supervision. The ones who watch their kid push a little 2 or 3 year old out of their way, shove them down the slide, slide down on top of them and just smile with that little "what can you do" look.

Well, what I learned about myself today is that while I am a good mommy, if your kid lays their hand on MY kid again and pushes him, hurts him or scares him one more time and you aren't willing to do anything about it... your kid might end up on a little detour behind that water slide and he might just trip over my monster sized foot and land in the mud. Just maybe

Bounce houses

Today my child overcame his fear of bounce houses. We went to MOSI and I made him get in one cause really, it's about time that he suck it up and get over it. These things are just like a giant balloon.

Until he got in it. At first, he was kind of wandering around with a bounce bounce here and a bounce bounce there. Here a bounce, there a bounce... Oh look, a slide!!! Up the rubber steps we go. Sit down and slide. Sit down and slide. Lay down and slide head first. Throw yourself in the air at the top of the slide so as to get maximum bounce when you hit two feet down the slide.

And now that Mommy has gotten her panic and her child's creativity in the giant evil balloon, well let's just say... mommy is gonna think before she encourages any more "getting over it"

I am sooo screwed

My son is 3 years old. That is his number in age. Mentally, he the age of a 34 year old sarcastic female. Well, maybe a 35 year old since he seems to have outdone me and leaves me shaking in my head. His vocabulary is beyond most grown ups. He corrected my mother's grammar the other day. But my absolute favorite part is his sarcasm.

I assume he is being sarcastic. But he usually says things and seems totally innocent. Like the ban on potty words except in the bathroom. And my kid who is sitting in the bath talking about his butt and farts and poop. And when I corrected him, telling me he is IN THE BATHROOM.

Or today when he was laying in his bed "taking a nap" and he kept talking. My mom asked him why he wasn't sleeping. And he said he was. Then she asked how he was sleeping if he was talking. And he replied he was "talking in his sleep, about you.".... lyrics from a song called "Bushel and a Peck"

And on and on it goes. At least once a day this kid does something that makes me wonder what padded room I will be in when he is 15. I love his wit and his weirdness. I love that he says these crazy things and while you are laughing so hard you almost choke, he asks why you are happy. But man, I am soooo screwed!

Time flies

It's hard keeping up with a blog. Having never done one before I guess I didn't realize that your thoughts don't just type themselves up. In the time since I have last been on here, my baby has turned THREE and learned to ride a bike (with super cool training wheels), taken up soccer and has developed such the imagination. Yesterday we went to the beach for the first time to collect shells and see the water... the story below happened on the way home from the beach.

Mommy: okay kiddo, time to go home
Toby: Okay mommy, I'm tired....

then it goes south

Toby: we're going back to the beach, we're going back to the beach (for approximately 30 minutes after leaving the beach he is singing this song)

Mommy: hey kiddo, you want some fruit snacks
Toby: yeeeeaaaahhh! (handed a bag of Toy Stoy fruit snacks)

quiet from the backseat for approx 5 min
then I hear

Toby: (to T-Rex fruit snack) you do realize that if you go in there, you are never coming back?
Mommy: What?!?!?
Toby (now channelling Buzz and Woody): T-Rex, that is a mouth. If you go in there, you will get chomped up into little pieces and you will never come back. Don't do it Rexie, don't do it!

Mommy: silent laughter with tears rolling down her face

Where do they come up with this stuff???

His father's child after all

Tonight you made me so very sad. In a fit of anger because I wouldn't let you do something or another, you tore the growth chart off your door and ripped it up. In that one moment when I opened your door and I saw what you had done, every broken precious thing to me that your father threw and broke, smashed into the wall and broke... it all came flooding back. That little chart means nothing to you. As a child, it's just another piece of paper hanging on a wall. But to your mother it was two years of memories. Two years of tracking your growing and watching you turn from a little pudge ball of a baby into a skinny young little boy. You are on your way to being a man and all I can pray is that mean hearted spirit that inhabited your father does not live strongly in you. And tonight my heart is sad. Because I am afraid that no matter how I raise you, at the heart of you will always lie some of those "sins of the father"... and your father was such an ugly person on the inside. And in the way you showed no remorse for destroying something that meant something to me, oh... so sad

Little boy/man

Toby is changing so much. There is this fierce independence that frustrates me while at the same time makes me proud. He is getting smarter in the ways of adults and can understand many of the little tricks we pull to get our kids to do what we want.

For a long time he has had this little red tricycle. Honestly I think Grammy bought it for him when he just turned 2. He has ridden that little bike by pushing it with his feet. We were starting to think he was like bike challenged or something. Grammy pushed him around with her cane on the back of his little cargo hold which was pretty funny to watch. Now one day I went to pick him up from school and saw the strangest site... there was little ol Toby riding a tricycle around on the bike track. He was not pushing with his feet... oh no, the little trickster had figured out how to ride the bike the right way... but didn't let on at all at home. But he ratted on himself yesterday on accident and now, well, he spent about 8 hours riding in circles in Grammy's house today. And out in the parking lot. And on the sidewalk. Little stinker!

No regrets

There is that moment where we look at our child and realize that they are no longer our dear sweet baby but are now on their way to adolescence. And while I go through some soul searching which will be documented shortly in my other blog, I realize that my life has been so blessed by my son.

Tonight I am very sad. My mom's wonderful friend GayAnn lies in the hospital on life support. Life support that isn't going to change anything... that the end result will still be the end of her life. GayAnn is one of the people who I consider to be an honorary grandparent to Toby. Since Mike is not in my life and his family is long gone too, I have found people along the way who act in the place of grandparents that he won't ever have. As a result of these people coming into his life, my life has been blessed.

I look at how my life has been transformed in the past almost three years. And I look at this sweet precious gift that God has allowed me to have in my life. And I realize that there is no moment of pain, no moment of those years I spent with Mike that I would trade if it meant giving up this wonderful child. In all of that smartness, that smart butt humor, that smile that lights up my world; I have begun to heal.

SNAP!!

Four little monkeys swinging in a tree, flippin and a floppin and a making bleety bleet. SNAP!!! The alligator ate him and now he's in the water.

Five little monkeys swinging in a tree....

Toby's version of Five Little Monkeys while he puts off going to bed. He's getting to that age where he starts to tell stories... you know the kind that are made up of things they see around them in the room. Cracks me up. He also is now telling you the things that CAN'T happen - animals don't talk, we can't ride on bugs... the list goes on and on!!!

And after everything he says he adds on "I told you..." Which is why I have named him Bossy Butt McGee in my head

battle of wills

For every great, grand and wonderful day we have as parents, there is at least one horrific one. For every cute, funny and adorable story we have to share, there is one where we cringe and wonder if that really happened. Today is that day.

Toby has been home all week with me. Surgery, sickness and silliness (I sound like a southern Baptist preacher!). And with today came WILLFULNESS!!! Toby is always a little more strong willed than most kids. His mama passed that little tendancy on to him... along with my big feet! When I was a child I learned the word for milk in spanish and when I came home, I was supposed to tell my dad what it was. But nooooooo! I refused. Through a spanking, some yelling and probably some pleading from my mom, I would not say that word! Toby has already in not even three years on this earth proven to me that he ain't gonna say "leche" either.

Today we had a battle of wills. And when you have a battle of wills with a 2 year old, you realize two things. 1 - It feels like you are not going to win and 2 - It is incredibly important that you do win. I heated up some lunch for the boy. He decided he didn't want to eat it. He would rather take a spanking on his bare butt, time out in his room or going to bed hungry rather than give in.

It went a little like this - bare butt spanking, threw himself on the floor, crawled across the room and started playing with his blocks. Time out in his room, crawled across the room and I found him sitting in his window behind his curtains playing with a toy. In bed with no food... well, he kept crying "i'll eat it now" and coming back out and demanding a lollipop.

He finally ate a few bites and then I put him in his room for a nap... where he promptly climbed out of the bed and started throwing toys at me... and not soft cushy toys but freaking cars and planes and crap. And yes, I said crap TO him too... as in "I am tired of this crap"

I finally laid down with him until the fit passed and he was all good... but now he is right back to sneaking out of his bed and trying to play with his toys. So I'm not sure if I won the battle but I know two things. One, this kid is gonna climb all over my very frayed last nerve today and two, little brat has figured out how to clench his butt to make the spankings hurt less.

The good store

Today I took Toby to the pediatrician as he has yet another round of funky junk in his nose/ears/eyes (pick your body part). You know you visit them WAAAAAYYY to much when they give you the NORMMMM!!!! Cheers greeting when you walk in the door. But anyway, that is not the point of the story.

In the same center as his dr, there are stores... Panera, Michaels, some creepy giant Antique World store that has been going out of business for months... and we have to drive past these stores on the way to visit My Pediatrics. As opposed to Your Pediatrics, in which case you would be going there and not me. Wow, my brain... it's just so random!

So we are driving through the parking lot and the little man busts out from the backseat "Mommy, let's go to the good store." I am always up for a good store so I looked around and realized we were smack dab in front of the Dunkin Donuts. So I bravely asked if he meant that this was the good store. "Oh yes mommy. They have good people there and donuts."

So now we know that not only can my kid be swayed into thinking you are good if you are holding an empty Munchkin box but we also know that Toby recognizes these joints by sight now. Darn the day I ever thought to myself "I bet Toby would like Munchkins!"

Red means stop

This morning on our way to work/school Toby screamed out in the backseat "Mommy! Red means stop!!!" I slammed my brakes on I envisioned myself getting ready to commit a major traffic infraction. Then he giggled and said "red means stop and green means go slow." Apparently he saw all of the tail lights lit up because it was a rainy morning and people had their headlights on. So I had to explain to him how cars work... and that green only means go slow if you live anyplace that ends in the word Village or Center (i.e. The Villages, Century Village, Sun Ciy Center).

Then he asked me what those giant orange traffic barrels are for. I told him to keep people from driving where they are placed (hope that's right). He was quiet for a minute and said "their batteries must be broken"... he saw some of them had lights that were lit up but most of them didn't... gave me a little chuckle. How often do we drive by things and never notice them... pretty cool to get to see things with the eyes and mind of a child.

Ain't that just like a man

So I went to volunteer at this adoption thing today for animals. You know the odds of bringing home and animal are greatly increased when you pack your debit card and a blank check "just in case". So I found this cat and brought him home cause what house doesn't need its very own Ninja?

Toby met the cat and just like a 50 year old man who sees a fine new girl and kicks his wife to the curb after 30 years of marriage, Toby has decided Ninja is WAY COOOOLER than Domino who up until now has been his absolute best bud.

Funniest part of the new Ninja fascination... Toby seems to have put together some rhyming things today. Earlier it was "1-2-3, get ready to spank me." This one was "NINJA, 1-2-3, come on and follow me"... followed by about 10 trips into the living room to beg Ninja to come get in his bed, to have me send Ninja in there, to let him have his turn with Ninja.

I told him to see if Domino would go lay in his bed and he shuffled away saying "Ninja is way better".... sorry Domino, you've so been kicked to the curb!

Pretty Pink Piglet

Last night Toby was all amped up about meeting Mary and Ken and would not go to sleep, would not be quiet and kept whining for me to lay with him. At times like these, if I am even 2% sleepy and not in the middle of something, I will just tell him to get his crap and get in mommy's bed. This way I stand to get some sleep... not balanced on the edge of his twin size bed that is. Oh, and the reason I am on the very edge is because of his "guys" (aka his stuffed friends).

So when he comes to my bed, I tell him to bring TWO guys. This turns into a negotiation fest where I keep saying two and he says three, four, and all of these... all of these works out to about 8 which once they are carefully bedded down next to him, puts me right back balancing on the edge of my QUEEN SIZE bed. Only advantage is when one of them kicks me in the night, on the floor they go!

Well last night all the guys and Toby and mommy were snuggled down for a long winter nap and Toby picks up this stuffed Piglet. Piglet and Curious George were mommy's and date back probably 15 years. But he loves them way more than I did since I just shoved them in a box in my closet so I let him have them. So here is last night's conversation.

Toby: Come here Piglet (to the stuffed friend). Piglet is my favorite. (to mommy)

Mommy: Uhh huh baby. That's nice.

Toby: Piglet is the best of the guys. He's pink.

Mommy: (who has snapped her eyes open now) He's the best because he is pink?!?!

Toby: Yes (as he lovingly cuddles Piglet and rubs his tummy). He's so pink and pretty and he is the best of them all.

Mommy: siiiigh!

Take that Josiah! You may love purple (which is somewhat acceptable for a boy) but my little man loves PINK!

Wink wink

One of my absolute favorite parts of every day is where I get to wake up Toby. I slide into his bed under the blanket and scratch his back and kiss any spot I can get my lips on without getting decked as he wakes up. This morning he woke to the realiziation that he can open each eye individually. So I watched in amusement as he learned how to wink. First he closed his right eye, then he opened it. Then he closed it. Then he tried holding it shut with his finger. Cause you know winking is about as easy as whistling when you are a little squirt. Then he bounced straight up out of his laying down position and screamed "Mommy, look! I only got one eye!" with his whole face squinched up like Popeye.

It's moments like that where I wish his every growing up moment would be captured on film for me to sit back and watch later.

And the picture is the heart he drew for me last night... and I put on there just cause I can! Wink!

this one's for Mitzi

I have this friend at work who is so tickled by my random stories about my son Toby that she tells me to start a blog. This has a huge draw in the fact that Facebook really limits my creativity in a lot of Toby stories because they count by characters used and cut me off before I get to the really funny parts. So, in the interest of preserving both the full humor of the bulk of these stories and the fact that I have one built in reader in Mitzi, here commences my blog about being the mom of this marvelous little boy.


Day 1 - Today I went to work, pulled into the parking garage, stuck my hand up to tuck my hair behind my ear and felt something weird. Yes ladies and gentlemen, I had a monster green booger stuck in my hair. This was NOT my booger. Nor do I feel even slightly better about the fact that I went into his school with this booger in my hair, talked to a WHOLE BUNCH of people, all the while feeling cute and sassy in my pink sweater... when in reality I am nothing more than a booger head.


Toby is a smart, funny, adorable, crazy child. Through my random thoughts, pictures, videos and the things that come out of this mouth, you will soon realize just how blessed I am!!