His father's child after all

Tonight you made me so very sad. In a fit of anger because I wouldn't let you do something or another, you tore the growth chart off your door and ripped it up. In that one moment when I opened your door and I saw what you had done, every broken precious thing to me that your father threw and broke, smashed into the wall and broke... it all came flooding back. That little chart means nothing to you. As a child, it's just another piece of paper hanging on a wall. But to your mother it was two years of memories. Two years of tracking your growing and watching you turn from a little pudge ball of a baby into a skinny young little boy. You are on your way to being a man and all I can pray is that mean hearted spirit that inhabited your father does not live strongly in you. And tonight my heart is sad. Because I am afraid that no matter how I raise you, at the heart of you will always lie some of those "sins of the father"... and your father was such an ugly person on the inside. And in the way you showed no remorse for destroying something that meant something to me, oh... so sad

Little boy/man

Toby is changing so much. There is this fierce independence that frustrates me while at the same time makes me proud. He is getting smarter in the ways of adults and can understand many of the little tricks we pull to get our kids to do what we want.

For a long time he has had this little red tricycle. Honestly I think Grammy bought it for him when he just turned 2. He has ridden that little bike by pushing it with his feet. We were starting to think he was like bike challenged or something. Grammy pushed him around with her cane on the back of his little cargo hold which was pretty funny to watch. Now one day I went to pick him up from school and saw the strangest site... there was little ol Toby riding a tricycle around on the bike track. He was not pushing with his feet... oh no, the little trickster had figured out how to ride the bike the right way... but didn't let on at all at home. But he ratted on himself yesterday on accident and now, well, he spent about 8 hours riding in circles in Grammy's house today. And out in the parking lot. And on the sidewalk. Little stinker!

No regrets

There is that moment where we look at our child and realize that they are no longer our dear sweet baby but are now on their way to adolescence. And while I go through some soul searching which will be documented shortly in my other blog, I realize that my life has been so blessed by my son.

Tonight I am very sad. My mom's wonderful friend GayAnn lies in the hospital on life support. Life support that isn't going to change anything... that the end result will still be the end of her life. GayAnn is one of the people who I consider to be an honorary grandparent to Toby. Since Mike is not in my life and his family is long gone too, I have found people along the way who act in the place of grandparents that he won't ever have. As a result of these people coming into his life, my life has been blessed.

I look at how my life has been transformed in the past almost three years. And I look at this sweet precious gift that God has allowed me to have in my life. And I realize that there is no moment of pain, no moment of those years I spent with Mike that I would trade if it meant giving up this wonderful child. In all of that smartness, that smart butt humor, that smile that lights up my world; I have begun to heal.

SNAP!!

Four little monkeys swinging in a tree, flippin and a floppin and a making bleety bleet. SNAP!!! The alligator ate him and now he's in the water.

Five little monkeys swinging in a tree....

Toby's version of Five Little Monkeys while he puts off going to bed. He's getting to that age where he starts to tell stories... you know the kind that are made up of things they see around them in the room. Cracks me up. He also is now telling you the things that CAN'T happen - animals don't talk, we can't ride on bugs... the list goes on and on!!!

And after everything he says he adds on "I told you..." Which is why I have named him Bossy Butt McGee in my head

battle of wills

For every great, grand and wonderful day we have as parents, there is at least one horrific one. For every cute, funny and adorable story we have to share, there is one where we cringe and wonder if that really happened. Today is that day.

Toby has been home all week with me. Surgery, sickness and silliness (I sound like a southern Baptist preacher!). And with today came WILLFULNESS!!! Toby is always a little more strong willed than most kids. His mama passed that little tendancy on to him... along with my big feet! When I was a child I learned the word for milk in spanish and when I came home, I was supposed to tell my dad what it was. But nooooooo! I refused. Through a spanking, some yelling and probably some pleading from my mom, I would not say that word! Toby has already in not even three years on this earth proven to me that he ain't gonna say "leche" either.

Today we had a battle of wills. And when you have a battle of wills with a 2 year old, you realize two things. 1 - It feels like you are not going to win and 2 - It is incredibly important that you do win. I heated up some lunch for the boy. He decided he didn't want to eat it. He would rather take a spanking on his bare butt, time out in his room or going to bed hungry rather than give in.

It went a little like this - bare butt spanking, threw himself on the floor, crawled across the room and started playing with his blocks. Time out in his room, crawled across the room and I found him sitting in his window behind his curtains playing with a toy. In bed with no food... well, he kept crying "i'll eat it now" and coming back out and demanding a lollipop.

He finally ate a few bites and then I put him in his room for a nap... where he promptly climbed out of the bed and started throwing toys at me... and not soft cushy toys but freaking cars and planes and crap. And yes, I said crap TO him too... as in "I am tired of this crap"

I finally laid down with him until the fit passed and he was all good... but now he is right back to sneaking out of his bed and trying to play with his toys. So I'm not sure if I won the battle but I know two things. One, this kid is gonna climb all over my very frayed last nerve today and two, little brat has figured out how to clench his butt to make the spankings hurt less.

The good store

Today I took Toby to the pediatrician as he has yet another round of funky junk in his nose/ears/eyes (pick your body part). You know you visit them WAAAAAYYY to much when they give you the NORMMMM!!!! Cheers greeting when you walk in the door. But anyway, that is not the point of the story.

In the same center as his dr, there are stores... Panera, Michaels, some creepy giant Antique World store that has been going out of business for months... and we have to drive past these stores on the way to visit My Pediatrics. As opposed to Your Pediatrics, in which case you would be going there and not me. Wow, my brain... it's just so random!

So we are driving through the parking lot and the little man busts out from the backseat "Mommy, let's go to the good store." I am always up for a good store so I looked around and realized we were smack dab in front of the Dunkin Donuts. So I bravely asked if he meant that this was the good store. "Oh yes mommy. They have good people there and donuts."

So now we know that not only can my kid be swayed into thinking you are good if you are holding an empty Munchkin box but we also know that Toby recognizes these joints by sight now. Darn the day I ever thought to myself "I bet Toby would like Munchkins!"

Red means stop

This morning on our way to work/school Toby screamed out in the backseat "Mommy! Red means stop!!!" I slammed my brakes on I envisioned myself getting ready to commit a major traffic infraction. Then he giggled and said "red means stop and green means go slow." Apparently he saw all of the tail lights lit up because it was a rainy morning and people had their headlights on. So I had to explain to him how cars work... and that green only means go slow if you live anyplace that ends in the word Village or Center (i.e. The Villages, Century Village, Sun Ciy Center).

Then he asked me what those giant orange traffic barrels are for. I told him to keep people from driving where they are placed (hope that's right). He was quiet for a minute and said "their batteries must be broken"... he saw some of them had lights that were lit up but most of them didn't... gave me a little chuckle. How often do we drive by things and never notice them... pretty cool to get to see things with the eyes and mind of a child.